signs you may be a nursing student

your social calendar is packed with labs, study parties, and lunches before Med-Surg prep.
you forgot your best friend's birthday because it was during midterms.
"but you have a whole week to study!" elicits a fear worse than death.
you had Hep G, ectopic pregnancy, a life-threatening arrhythmia, possible CVA/TIA, and respiratory failure in the last month.
your doctor's office has cut you off from Wellness visits.
"am I dying" texts of varying personal nature and probability arrive in your inbox daily.
you consider stabbing a friend whining about an English course.
required reading is more effective than the Ambien regimen you've only recently started.
you know how your professor prefers to handle a penis.
you can curtsy in scrubs.
you are no longer flattered by the question, "Are you a doctor?"
you have a love-hate relationship with your recorder.
you abhor the color white. and pale yellow.
you've never been more affection-starved than mornings of clinical.
HIPAA requires you to talk about your homework like it's special ops.
you brag in code.
you're suddenly really good at crying.
you lose the freshman fifteen when sophomore lecture extends through lunch.
you gigglesnort at the phrase, "lead by example."
you haven't slept for more than four hours since summer vacation.
your [already sh***y] running blog goes seriously downhill after September.
your neck disappears a little more each day. you propose to a classmate who works out a kink.
you age faster than the President -- maybe. who knows what he or she looks like any more.
you relish a challenge. you don't dig the smell.
you reminisce about the day you stood around watching colonoscopies.
your cuticles are a goddamn nightmare.
you forget how to dress yourself on days without scrubs.
you value the work you do for free more than the work you do to pay for school.
"personal growth" is a dirty word.
it takes several minutes to decode a text or email from someone using chatspeak because in medicine, there's an abbreviation for that.
the right answer is also the wrong one.
if all else fails, wash your hands.