love is like a can of beef vegetable soup.

sure, it warms your core, but are all the creepy mystery-meat cubes worth it?
>.>
the world may never know.

in related news:
"The valet asked for my last name to write on the ticket I need to pick the car back up. Guess what it said?"
"what?"
"FATzsimmons."
"Maybe it was a typo."
"But it was hand-written!"
Mmmmmm.

sometimes, if something is really important...

you allow yourself to be vulnerable. to let go of anger. to ask for what you want. to ask for what you need. sometimes, you get exactly what you asked for. sometimes, the answer is less than ideal.
sometimes, the answer isn't an answer at all.

so maybe you dodged a bullet?
and maybe, you've just got to dust yourself off and try again.
I am looking at my pile of cried-in tissues and laughing and crying all over again.
sometimes, you just need to be human.
and it [expletive]-ing sucks.

congratulate me.

As of four o'clock this afternoon, I obtained a liberal arts degree.
I needed it in order to pursue my associates in nursing with a little help from Uncle Sam.
Tomorrow, my refund check will be printed and mailed, so I will have the money to cover my last semester!
Still bitter about not getting a raise at work.
Oh, leave for six weeks = kbaiiiforeverzman.

>.> oh, wellz. the mental gymnastics I had to perform to follow both of those arguments has left me in brain-knots. off to go consume some caffeine, help it catch up.

graduationpartytimes.

it's okay.

I didn't put on pants till 7 pm.
The Steelers were losing for a good portion of this game to the Kansas City Chiefs.
we all have our days.

let's just end this game the way I finished up the day, huh?
with a success.

yeahhh, paper written, cited, and printed.
I spent much of the day in my underwear, sitting in bed, cranking out this paper.
It was actually far less tortuous than I had made it in my mind.
but you know, when there are pictures of grumpy cat to behold, writing about teaching yogic breathing to someone with COPD is way less fun.
I probably need to thank the internet gods that I tripped a cord while moving a rug today and unplugged the wireless router. Otherwise, who knows what could have happened?

srsly, boys? let's close this up, gorrammit.

"Pittsburgh is charged with their third and final time out.
Kansas City is charged with a fourth time out."

... it's the new math.

you are some kind of evil genius.

oh, don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
don't bother. I'll tell everyone for you.
FFFUUUUUU---

outlining creativity.

I started out life as a Creative Writing and Publishing major. life is a stream of consciousness, experienced in real time. my writing occurred in much the same haphazard style as life happened to me, both in the professional and for pleasure fields.

you may then imagine my frustration in writing this paper, thirty pages of planning ahead [at which I am downright dreadful] and teaching [at which I am innately quite good].

I wrote an outline for the first time in my academic career, revised said outline, and wouldn't you know it... the paper's just flowing out of me.
so I felt the need to blog about it to impede my progress, I suppose.

breeeeeathe, just breathe.
which, coincidentally, is also the topic of my paper: yogic breathing strategies taught to a client who presents with COPD exacerbation and also thinks I'm a nutcase.

May I present to you, lion's breath, source of my nutcasery.

Nothing dispels tension faster than a few lion's breath cycles. Try it! Be seated comfortably in an upright position. Inhale through the nose, let the shoulders float up toward the ears. Exhale vigorously through the mouth, making a sound akin to a lion with laryngitis [HAAAAA]. feel the vibration in the back of the throat. stick out the tongue, relax the shoulders away from the ears. Come to neutral with another inhale. repeat.

If you're looking for a good chuckle, practice in front of a mirror and watch a physical manifestation of your frustrations melt them away. Or practice lion's breath in front of a baby. Babies think this is hilarious.

If you're looking for a new scar on your face to brag about at work, perform lion's breath within striking distance of your furry pet.

procrastination begets procrastination and other laws of the universe

facebook is like my fridge.
nothing really changes unless I change it.
but that doesn't stop me from checking every hour or so.

paper-writing creates fodder cravings in my brain.
that girl I barely spoke to in high school is with child again?
that guy I cannot stand but never get around to blocking is still bitter about the results of the election?
SCORE.
Oh, educating adults present the following.. -snore-
I have to pee again. fancy that.

boy. this is going to be a long weekend, isn't it?

it started off so well, too.
I have figured out the secret to getting respect in the clinical setting: glasses.
yes.
a week ago today, I awoke with a migraine and wore glasses out of necessity.
thankfully, I had a person who needed a minimally stimulating environment.
low noise, low lights.
and I got my first compliment! backhanded and mean as it was, still counts.
I tested my hypothesis on Tuesday morning. my findings were consistent.
this morning, I was told I did "a great job."
I nearly fainted.
later, a man on the unit whose call for help I answered gave me a chocolate turtle.
another told me I was beautiful. I missed another complimentary comment from a peer's patient's family.
[it's probably for the best.]

I HAVE THE POWER! (of prescription lenses~!)
also, the risk of infection is cut significantly.
it's science.

maybe I can write a meta-paper about my own learning? or maybe I can take a nap?
yeahhh, that one.