a month in one-liners.

The world is slated to end on my sarcastic uncle's 50th birthday. Well played, Mayans, well played.
And what would have been my mom's 54th. not as funny.

There is no more joyous place than a Primanti Brother's eatery after a Steelers win.

I am far more productive on non-school days. well, not all the time.

"Caitlyn, I like you. Are you gonna sleep with us?" 4 year olds don't mess around!

I am familiar with the adage "if you don't use it, you lose it," but how long till you get it back?

Wanna dress up like a turkey? :D

I wish I had the sex life people judge me for all the time. My skin would probably be better.

"Remember when you didn't know anything about Harry Potter and I didn't wear mascara? Those were good times, simpler times."

Open bar? I knew all along that Beth was my favorite.

Tacos, margaritas, and Presidential debates are for America-lovers.

Kale is not for eating. It is for storage in the fridge to impress yuppie friends and wellness by virtue of ownership.

Heels are not for walking. Homeless guys in the South Side are kinda hot.

"Do you even know who Joss Whedon is?"
"Pretty big talk from a man who has never seen Firefly or Serenity and just saw The Avengers two weeks ago."

Pumpkin EVERYTHING.

I have issues. I am more concerned with a bag of Twix's safety than I am about coffee dumping on my white lab coat or my homework's general well-being. No amount of training myself to enjoy healthier living seems to help with my chocolate habit.

"Don't tell anyone, okay?" in Caitlyn language means, "TELL EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN WHO WILL PROBABLY NEVER ENCOUNTER THIS PERSON IN LIFE AGAIN (or ever, depending on how juicy/depressing the news is)!"

"You must be a teacher. They were so nervous to say hi to you!"
(is visibly hungover, wearing a cheerleading hoodie that has seen better days, leggings, and disproportionately dressy boots) 
"I sincerely worry for the future of our children if this is what your teachers look like."

To those whining about Hurricane Sandy NOT decimating their homes: you are the product of billions of years of evolutionary success. f&*$ing act like it.

Amish ice cream? Pretzel Taurus.

Pro tip: if you're not young, thin, pretty, or creative as Regina George, being as big of a bitch as her isn't doin you any favors.

The theme of my life these days is "Caitlyn gets sad at parties, Patrick cheers her up."